School Custodian Pillows

"We'll be catering the school dance!"

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

Bathroom Fairy

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"Not guilty?"

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

Whittler's Mother.

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

"I hate all the paperwork there is with this job."

"After being shorted on his bonus, Earl the maintenance man decided to remove all the toilet paper from the executive washrooms."

'I work at a school's Lost Property Office: I track down the owners of lost items...'

"I don't know about you, but I don't like being a high school guidance counselor."

"It's just me, the algae-eater. Mind if I tidy up a bit in here?"

'She's attending a 'confidence empowerment' seminar, to have her aura recharged.'

"And to think NASA hit a target 11 million kilometres away."

"I think somebody thinks I've been away from my desk too long."

Superintendent

'I have an open-door policy, but only until the air conditioner is repaired.'

'Crusher' Collins: Data custodian by day, data bouncer by night.

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'

"They love me...they really, really love me!"

"It's a deal, I trade you two of your lunchroom duties if you take my field trip duty?"

'I had no idea there was a Nobel Prize for school custodian.'

"You may be the CEO, but I control the thermostat in your office."

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."