Custodians Pillows

'The trend toward less alcohol consumption at office parties is having a bad effect on my health. Wine cooler bottles are heavier than beer cans.'

'Getting other people's toddler's leftovers on a highchair is one thing, but getting their toddler, too, is another.'

"He likes it."

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

Bathroom Fairy

"Not guilty?"

Whittler's Mother.

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

"After being shorted on his bonus, Earl the maintenance man decided to remove all the toilet paper from the executive washrooms."

"I hate all the paperwork there is with this job."

'Honey, the long-run is here!'

"And to think NASA hit a target 11 million kilometres away."

Superintendent

"It's just me, the algae-eater. Mind if I tidy up a bit in here?"

"You got custody of us, mommy, because you're the very best attorney picker."

"Someday, son, all this will be your fault."

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

'Crusher' Collins: Data custodian by day, data bouncer by night.

'That's why I like Neederman. He does the little things to help his team that don't show up in the statistics.'

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'

'Oh no, green waxy build up.'

"Last chance — where’s the wet food?"

Conan the Custodian.

"It's the super - he says a lot of short American fiction has been clogging the pipes in the basement."

'I had no idea there was a Nobel Prize for school custodian.'

"You may be the CEO, but I control the thermostat in your office."

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

"If the stock market goes to infinity, would we be able to pay off the national debt?"