Scholarly Soul Gifts

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

Starting School

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Cat Tie

"I don't care if it is itty-bitty. Turn it off!"

'What rhymes with D minus?'

"Careful. That house has a taser."

What would Charlotte Bronte do, she thought to herself.

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

Don't you see, Kreutzer? That's why we have all this literature. So you won't duplicate an experiment that's already been done, and there's no reason at all why you should be duplicating Smedly's experiments. After all, he shares a lab with you.

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

Too big to fail

"If music is the food of love... I'm full."

"Not enough money is being spent on safety, so be careful."

"Wow, these are great cartoons! We have to let them go, and anyway, cartoonists are on the endangered species list..."

"Quit your whining... Someday you'll appreciate affordable student housing."

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"It's such a nice day. Why don't you go outside and plagiarize something?"

"Well, if the test is multiple choice I choose not to take it."

"I don't want to be alone when I'm old, either, so when we're old let's get back in touch."

Gore Vidal

"Sure, you can use the bathroom. But, you have to put your request in writing and send three copies to the personnel department."

Cover Design for E Dowson's 'The Pierrot of the Minute'

"If global warming is a left wing plot... it's a very good one."

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. . ."

John Galsworthy

Writer Blinds Shakespeare in Shame.

WW100

"What can you tell me about the meaning of death?"

Academics at the Beach

Hook them with a crisis.