Scholarly Soiree Enthusiast Gifts

'I was made Professor Emeritus before my time.'

Sloaney Pony.

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

You wrote a book report on a video game instruction manual?

'Is this a party, a cheese and wine do, a cocktail party, a soiree or just another of your old cronies get-togethers?'

'At first I wasn't going to join, but with a name like that, how could I resist?'

Well, wish me luck. Mom and dad can handle an 'A' and two 'B's, but I've REAL-L-L-L-Y got to spin the 'D' in math!

"I love college."

Girl who had a bowl of trifle spilt over her dress at her court presentation party the night before

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

Did I cheat? You're not wearing a wire, are you?

'That's the colour of my new outfit - wine-red and beige.'

'You need to get your grades up...because good grades are an early sign of good credit scores.'

'Onward to the 'Big Society'...I see a more caring, sharing, inclusive world, a world of 'community' of..'

'All right, guys, let's take a little break then give it another try...'

'Centre for the study of obscure and useless things.'

'I'm going for that scholarly look while I try to quit smoking. They're nicotine patches.'

'We're promoting you to Full Professor, Ferguson -- Here are your elbow patches!:'

The belletrist unwinds.

"Sammy, where is your tail? Go check the lost and found."

"They replaced all the soda with bottled water!"

Met Gala

'Don't mind Jacob. He was raised by dogs and is just committing you to memory.'

"I used to look forward to summer vacation. Thanks to coronavirus, I look forward to going back to school."

Sex Education Class - "Today in class I'll be explaining where your babies come from."

Ladies

'Everyone wants Perrier with a twist of lime.'

Recovering Academics

"It's an affliction that can happen to anyone."

'I'm Attila, you know, the Hun.'

Harvard, Princeton, Yale, And Your Kids. . . ?

"I come to these get-togethers to see who's coming apart."

'May I have $50 to buy a round for the house, sir? — I'm a social drinker.'

"Hi! I've just moved in next-door. Have any parents my age?"