Scholar Of The Strange Gifts

'It doesn't matter that your thesis is on extra sensory perception, you can't cite mindreading in your references.'

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Fifteen

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

"Life after death"

'..It's just that with all your amazing powers of deduction and elimination, Holmes, I'm just a little surprised that the best solution you can come up with for seeing off the hound of the Baskervilles, is to 'chase them across the moors with a hoover. up

Too big to fail

"What a way to go."

'Exams were harder before the Renaissance.'

Bachelors and Masters degrees.

"How can a student who can't speak English or Gobbledegook expect to pass?"

"I love college."

The bane of every college applicant: the admissions essay.

Thomas Carlyle

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

'I'm not interested in what the paper is about, Dr Jones, I just want you to put me on the authors' list...'

The sixth college sense. 'I see debt people.'

"The doctors...say...they've never...seen...another case quite...like...it."

'I'm worried that if I study too hard, I couldn end up being a teacher.'

"This looks cool, Mum, a university offering a degree course in Greed."

'Of course this scribble doesn't make any sense. Why do you think the critics call it an intellectual masterpiece?'

Seven Deadly Sins. Anger. Envy. Covetousness. Gluttony. Lust. Sloth. Pride. After you've successfully resisted the other six deadly sins, it's really hard not to be proud.

"Why can I only cross 'right' or 'wrong'? What about 'I don't care', 'I don't give a damn' or 'How should I know'?"

'Wake up - the dolphin has stolen our palm tree'

"Poor chap has just discovered his daughter has got in to medical school!"

"Mr. Jerry Springer - have I got something for you!"

"Hello Ma'am! Have you ever looked at other shark owners and thought 'Why not me?'..."

This week in tentacles

Medical School. Dean's Office. You were flunking out. Did your midterm exams improve the outlook? I don't know what the prognosis is. They said my test results were inconclusive.

Sex and Violence....Hell and Brimstone.

Locally Grown by a Guy with a Masters in Philosophy

The SAT test can wear you down.

Man with mousey nose running a health food store

This department will not countenance the back stab.

The Great Escape