Scholar Of Irony Pillows

Sex and Violence....Hell and Brimstone.

'I'm worried that if I study too hard, I couldn end up being a teacher.'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

"We're going to run some tests: bloodwork, a cat-scan and the S.A.T.'s."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

'... But, wouldn't that be kind of like, cannibalism?'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

"That's an early Vermeer, very early."

Priest's x-ray showing his crucifix.

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

"I love college."

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."