Scholar Of Irony Pillows

Sex and Violence....Hell and Brimstone.

'I'm worried that if I study too hard, I couldn end up being a teacher.'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

'... But, wouldn't that be kind of like, cannibalism?'

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

Priest's x-ray showing his crucifix.

"That's an early Vermeer, very early."

Monkey Business College

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."