Schmooze Master T-Shirts

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

"Stan baby, Dave baby here."

"She's a great networker. One drink and she's on schmooze control."

Bob tried networking – and crashed it.

How Do You Like My Moseying Along?

The boss is truly a courageous risk-taker. Only he tasted the salmon mousse at last year's company picnic.

'And now over to Mike for the video presentation...Mike?...Mike?'

What a Guy! The Tops! - "He likes to make his clients feel important."

'It's always the same, isn't it, Dave?... Every time you spot a glitter ball!'

Eventual Motion Machine

"It took years of vocal training, but I now have a vocal range from squeaky right down to tenor..."

'Doreen's been all over me to paint the house...'

'HEY,no Tongue!'

"If I had a million dollars, I'd buy myself a new car, a new house for Dad and new clothes for Tia Carmen!"

'Clown-noser.'

'And to mark your 50 years oversleeping...'

Slow, merge left, resume speed, stop, stay, sit, roll over, good boy!

'Fantastic meeting! . . . Just fantastic. Why don't I have my weasels call your weasels.'

'I wouldn't say he walks the walk, but he does crawl the crawl.'

'I want you to meet a Corporate Chieftan who's fall of himself.'

"I had to get the glass in my front window replaced. I've never known anyone with a more powerful sneeze than my dad!"

Do you think Ryan Beardsley would like me more if I highlighted my hair? Maybe -

Tesco Litigation Dept - 'They're suing me for going to Sainsburys.'

I'll have my people get in touch with your people.

"Al's either catching a cold or practicing for spring allergies."

"Baldo and Gracie have cleaned their rooms...they've scrubbed the kitchen...and the bathroom is spotless. Yes, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas."

"Yikes! You scared me. Don't ever sneak up on me like that again!"

'Oh stop it, oh you are a tease.' 'Henry's back is playing up again.'

Bar. "Unwind"? I thought you were solar-powered.

'This PowerPoint slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.'

Professional Couples

Leather basketballs and synthetic basketballs.

'Can I take your lower orders?'

It's time to get up. Call me later and we'll do lunch. The Schmooze Alarm.