Sceptical Patient Gifts

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

"We fell for this last time remember..."

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

"Why do I hate religion? Imagine if half the money ever donated to religion had instead been used for scientific research. That's the world religion stole from me! Instead of worrying about the coronavirus, I could be slaying orcs on a starship's holodeck!"

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

"If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we admit that the moon landing was a big conspiracy?"

"Oh, I know He works in mysterious ways, but if I worked that mysteriously I'd get fired."

"Take one three times a day and come back in 43 years."

"Skip the ghost stories. Tell us your conspiracy theory again!"

Cemetery with graves engraved 'traditional medicine' and 'alternative medicine'.

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

The conspiracy behind conspiracy theories.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

"The sky isn't really falling -- I'm just trying to make a living."

"And this one is made of ancient crystals that detoxify the air and remove all the money from your pocket."

'I am a bit suspicious...In my experience, there is no such thing as a 'Free Lunch'...'

'If this isn't a placebo you gave me, how come it says 'M&M' on it?'

"You're not gonna stick that thing in my arm..! Nobody knows what's in it!!"

"Thank you for not praying."

"My mind is plenty open, Grandma. But not so much that my brain falls out."

'What's going on here? What you see is what I get, and what I see is what you get.'

"Nope! Not that one! They still believe that 'gods' created the universe!"

I believe their products are rubbish.