Scat Enthusiast Gifts

"Scribbidee-ze-sop, Boop bee boop zop, scribbida woo-woo zwee ©"

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"In the beginning, God created, like, 300 concept sketches..."

He is familiar with the silent swoop of the evening bat.

Night of the Zombonies.

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'She hasn't advanced to figure eights yet.'

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

The Snarky District

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

Clownfish entertain sea life by hitting each other in the face with octopi.

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"I go that extra mile!"

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

School of Art & Design. Looks like they're putting up an addition.

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

Dracula vacationing in Venice feeding bats in the Piazza of St. Mark.

Don't worry, the first thirty years working here are the hardest.

Batsford doesn't suffer fools gladly.

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

"Miss Duxbury, put me through to someone."

"Next on the agenda: How can we crush workers' spirit, while appearing to care?"

The Smartass Phone

"He gets his best ideas that way."