Scat Enthusiast Pillows

"Scribbidee-ze-sop, Boop bee boop zop, scribbida woo-woo zwee ©"

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"In the beginning, God created, like, 300 concept sketches..."

Night of the Zombonies.

He is familiar with the silent swoop of the evening bat.

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'She hasn't advanced to figure eights yet.'

The Snarky District

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I go that extra mile!"

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

Batsford doesn't suffer fools gladly.

Dracula vacationing in Venice feeding bats in the Piazza of St. Mark.

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Don't worry, the first thirty years working here are the hardest.

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

"Miss Duxbury, put me through to someone."

"Next on the agenda: How can we crush workers' spirit, while appearing to care?"

"He gets his best ideas that way."

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'