Scalp Satirist Pillows

"His baldness was way out of control, so we had to put him into a medically induced comb-over."

Copycats

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"I'm gonna be a 'New Yorker' cartoonist. You're not supposed to understand it."

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

"I'd like to have a word with you about this spirit animal."

Litter Tray Stonehenge

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Coleridge'

Alabama Traffic Jam

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

Macho Vegetarian

Latest Aye Phone

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

Buzzfeed does The Bible: 10 commandments that will blow your mind.

"It was a botched surgery."

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

'It's funny because it's true.'

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

'He did it for us.'

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Sebum! I think you'll love this property on the left side of the chin. It's a wonderful place to start a pimple."

Matador Artificial Insemination.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe the multiple exclamation points come across as over excited and insincere."

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

"You idiot! It's all bare walls and Ikea these days."

It's academic