Scale Saboteur Pillows

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

'LIAR!'

'Still at a plateau, Mrs Johnson?'

Dietitian: Weighting Room.

Critisize your weight.

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Shrink

Paul was certain he had the largest pumpkin, until he discovered he was the smallest man.

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

Woman stands on scales, holds bunch of balloons.

'Never mind another doctor -- I'm referring you to the Bureau of Weights and Measures.'

"I have to go on a diet! According to that fisherman I have gained fifty pounds overnight!!"

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

'Well, we couldn't store all the corn.'

Woman weighing herself sitting on a chair.

Lady Justice using metric scales.

Woman strips on a public scale in order to get a lower reading.

"My scale certainly has no problem finding those hidden calories."

"Joseph's jealous brother adds bleach to the coat of many colors wash."

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

"Well done Fred, you've lost a bit more..."

"We always take one piece out."

'Thank you. It took me a long time, but I built it to scale.'

Mouse/Rat on weighing machine: 'I squeak your weight.'

'I'll pay you double if you whisper it.'

'Whaddya mean the scale keeps flashing tilt?'

'You've been on a diet and lost six kilos...Well I think I have found them!'

'I'd like you to go work for our competition. It's the only way I know to bring them to their knees.'

"Read my weight NOW!...NOW!"

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. It's print out says 'I Quit!'.

Talking scale

BUS, 'I never have to take Muriel out to dinner any more -- I got a remote tuner for the bathroom scales.'

A great day starts when you weigh 2lbs. less than you thought you would.