Scale Dodger Pillows

'I think I'm going to have to hide the bathroom scale from your mother.'

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

'Let's talk climate change.'

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"I did it Dad! I ran all the way home and beat the rain!"

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

Desert island survivor won't go home to Canada

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

"Are you listening to me?"

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

Dreaming of Summer.

Drones Unlimited

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

'Do you mind? I'm trying to read.'

'I thought it was your round.' 'It was, but I'm trying to get in touch with my feminine side.'

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

'Oh hey Dan, remember how I said we were gonna go camping this week? Well then it started to rain, and I noticed your empty garage here, so...'

"Accursed global warming!"

Winter depression.

"Be careful with your third wish. Another book you might already have read would be a bummer."

"You're the therapist - you make it go away."

"Now that the person chewing gum so loudly has finally stopped, perhaps we can all pay attention to what I'm doing here."

'Phone-b-gone, gets rid of unwanted phones.'

'It's thundering, dad. Can I get under the bed with you?'