Savvy Sipper Gifts

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

Wino Appreciation Group

'How long you planning on staying up there, Bill?'

Velvety. And so was the wine.

"Let me guess. You had it up to here with the world of business, so you packed it all in and started your own winery."

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

"One man's dirty water is another man's Earl Grey."

"A friendly warning, pal—this is a sports bar."

Introducing Brocco. The world's first broccoli-flavored liqueur!

Scariest Tactics

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

"Persistent, well-rounded, and full-bodied, with hints of smoke, and just a soupdon of irregularity."

Join me in a cosmopolitan?

"The great is $54.99, and I do have a near-great for $23.99."

Recreational and Medicinal Wines

Acme Instant Muscle Ade Machine

"I highly recommend our featured red. With its markup, what waiter wouldn't?"

"Don't worry, she's still alcohol aware."

The wine was fruity and quite lively.

"Bartender - givish me another shot."

Man battles for his life against 'A Very Lively Little Red'

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

'What did we do before green tea?'

The Guy Who Invented An Alcohol Substitute

'Time's up, chuckles.'

... and fermentation is computer-controlled by a piquant little microchip from the southern slopes of Silicon Valley.

"Here's an idea son, stop trying to order our drinks by text and get yourself up to the bar!"