Savvy Humor Pillows

Mitt Romney is a Rhino Disguised as an Elephant: 100% Conservative.

Albert Einstein

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

'It's not what you think. It's not about our liberation.'

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

'Mint?! These taste like cardboard!'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

'Assuming present trends continue, the odds are quite good that we'll become the best-informed extinct species on the planet!'

Entrance code to MENSA club - 'To enter, simply type in the square root of Pi.'

Corporate Lawyers

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

Computers. Tablets. Laptops. The model is entirely voice-activated. I've always wanted to tell a computer "off."

Social network site runs into trouble.

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

Life begins at 60

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

"Those speedbumps are there for a reason, Mrs. Gunderson."

'But I digress.'

'If we could just figure out some high-energy diet, we wouldn't have to spend the hole day eating.'

"He's a Baumaus student."

"Let's contemplate how I'd benefit from repealing last week's Brexit decision the good old refined English art?"

"Read my lips!"

"We're heading south for the winter—any chance we can get the place again next spring?"

Why can't you just buy some extra memory like everybody else?

Cloning departments

Recycling bins - aluminum, plastic, CEO.

'He keeps saying that he is a 'self-made-man' it's good of him to take the blame!'

"Very impressive - a graduate of clown college and Trump University."

"The book ends are for people who like to read between the lions."

"It's not enough that we succeed. Cats must also fail."

'I haven't quite worked out the logistics of working at home and being able to kiss up to the boss.'