Smart Humor Fan Pillows

"He's a Baumaus student."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Trump Poutine

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Winter Weather.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'More government surveillance!'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

The Thinker?

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

How men process questions.

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"