Savings Pillows

Cutting corners can cost money.

'Remember...change comes from within.'

"Careful burying all your bones. We get a cold snap and your assets are frozen!"

"Forget keeping all your eggs in one basket. What you need is a nest egg..."

'Considering the price of natural gas vs. cat food, I calculated that it's cheaper to heat the house with the body heat of 50 cats.'

I have money and I'm not happy!

Save up to 100% when you don't buy anything.

'That's much better.'

A squirrel examines a nut in safe deposit box.

'In today's economy, it's important to put some of your money under you mattress and bury some in backyard...'

"At last! We've finally reduced our dependency on foreign oil."

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

'A 401K? Are you kidding? I can't even run a 5K!'

"It looks like your private pension isn't going to yield as much as we originally anticipated...I'm afraid you'll have to go on collecting nuts for years."

'Look at it this way, if you didn't have to pay all that money in tax, you'd go out and spend it anyway.'

'I'm paying the hidden fees with hidden payments.'

'Yeah, but think of the money I saved, by NOT seeing a doctor.'

"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."

70 is the new 40

"Why are so many people waiting an hour before the store opens, Mr. Freep?"

Money going to shark and piggy bank (colour).

"Sorry lad, but I invested all me pot of gold in bitcoin!"

"I'll be okay when I retire. I'm maxing out my 401(K), stepping up my IRA contributions, and three times a year I bury two duffle bags filled with unmarked bills in my backyard."

'May I have a moment of your time? I'd like to tell you about a plan my bank has for your IRA...'

'I know you're looking for a safe investment but have you ever heard of anyone getting wealthy investing in a bank account?'

"First it was one kid, then another and another...mobile banking has put my kind out of work."

'These gas prices are outrageous! Almost as expensive as bottled water!'

Line one is my fixed income, line two is my fixes expenses, and the difference is the fix I'm in.

Can you tell me about your 401-kave plan?

Building society, savers rates -"Well, what shall we do with the interest, leave it in or withdraw it and buy a pot of tea for two?"

ABC. Uh-oh, here comes the penalty for early withdrawal.

'What happens if I die young?'

Thrift: Get as much amputated as possible.

'Your account was inactive for over 30 days, sir, so we bought donuts with it.'

'I had a Groupon.'