Saving Pillows

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

Belt-tightening

Unusual Retirement Plans

'And now for the treasurer's report.'

"You have to think long-term. You can't afford to be old yet."

'I'm trying to diversify my portfolio.'

'Just to be on the safe side, let's start with an x-ray of your wallet.'

"Your money was working for you, but it suddenly quit and now it's working for me!"

'Put all your money in a savings account.'

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

'I've fully costed my wedding plans, Daddy.'

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

'Our certificate of Deposit Interest rates may seem low, but I assure you, they are better than anything you can get by leaving your savings under the mattress.'

'I'm a little concerned about my financial advisor. He said to keep 60% in equities, 25% in bonds, and 25% in cash.'

"Thank you, but I've already provided for my children's college education."

"We can give you a 12% rate if you never withdraw it."

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

Bob didn't have much disposable income. But somehow he still managed to throw away a little each week.

"...if you set aside 2% of your salary for your pension you can retire at 97."

'That use to work, Dorothy ... but now you need at least 20% down.'

'I miss the disposable income days.'

'How much are you currently worth? Good question, let's see. You mean, aside from the sentimental value?'

Save! O% interest on your deposits.

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

'With these crazy markets, you have to diversify to protect your money. Put some under your mattress, some in your sock drawer, maybe some in a hole in the yard...'

"Your portfolio is too conservative."

'Oh, we are diversified; right now we've got our money in seven different mattresses.'

'Since it's falling on me to help pay off the budget deficits when I grow up, I think you need to increase my allowance, Dad!'

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

'The good news is these grades are not good enough for me to get into an expensive college.'

"I'm saving for when I get a low-paying job doing what I love."

"This is Fluffy, my pet money."

'That's a statue of my rich uncle.'

Sales - "For the last time, stop saving me money."

'Do you realize you're not earning any interest on that?'