Saving Gifts

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

Belt-tightening

'Your circulation is poor.' 'Are you saying I've got a cash flow problem?'

'And now for the treasurer's report.'

Unusual Retirement Plans

'I'm trying to diversify my portfolio.'

"You have to think long-term. You can't afford to be old yet."

'Just to be on the safe side, let's start with an x-ray of your wallet.'

"Your money was working for you, but it suddenly quit and now it's working for me!"

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

'I've fully costed my wedding plans, Daddy.'

'Put all your money in a savings account.'

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

'I'm a little concerned about my financial advisor. He said to keep 60% in equities, 25% in bonds, and 25% in cash.'

'Our certificate of Deposit Interest rates may seem low, but I assure you, they are better than anything you can get by leaving your savings under the mattress.'

"Thank you, but I've already provided for my children's college education."

"We can give you a 12% rate if you never withdraw it."

'I miss the disposable income days.'

Bob didn't have much disposable income. But somehow he still managed to throw away a little each week.

'How much are you currently worth? Good question, let's see. You mean, aside from the sentimental value?'

"...if you set aside 2% of your salary for your pension you can retire at 97."

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

'That use to work, Dorothy ... but now you need at least 20% down.'

Save! O% interest on your deposits.

"Your portfolio is too conservative."

'With these crazy markets, you have to diversify to protect your money. Put some under your mattress, some in your sock drawer, maybe some in a hole in the yard...'

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

'Oh, we are diversified; right now we've got our money in seven different mattresses.'

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

'Since it's falling on me to help pay off the budget deficits when I grow up, I think you need to increase my allowance, Dad!'

'We were just keeping up with the Joneses. How was I supposed to know the Joneses were keeping up with the Rockefellers?'

'That's a statue of my rich uncle.'

"I'm saving for when I get a low-paying job doing what I love."

Sales - "For the last time, stop saving me money."

'Do you realize you're not earning any interest on that?'