Money Saving Gifts

Gas bar, Full service/Self-serving tightwads

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

'The money we're saved on gas paid for Jim's leg when he tripped over the cord.'

Fries and kids

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

"Just water? - Oh, one of THOSE people."

Beefsteak travel, hamburger budget.

'This is very uncommon with men, Mr. Beegley... 'Coupon Clippers Wrist'.'

'Chapter one. Don't waste your money. Don't buy useless crap like this stupid book'.

Very well, will that be paper or plastic?

We promise to cut your shopping bill in half!'

Thrift: Live in the sea, make friends with a whale, and shower for free.

'The medical term for your distress is, 'Pain at the Pump' There's a lot of it going around'

Newspaper special offers.

"I don't need one, Gracie. My shopping list is very simple! Things I have a coupon for and things that are on sale!"

"Oh man! It's the prettiest girl in school! She can't see I work here!"

Comparison Site: Switch Energy Supplier/Ignore, Have A Cup Of Tea.

"So... think we can get our money back for the get well card we bought him?"

"We could save money by turning the TV off every time they mention Boris."

'What do you do with the time you save?'

'For the last time, stop saving me money.'

"Voila! Our tree-trimming drone just saved us 600 bucks!'

Thrift: Marry someone without fingers... Save on buying a ring!

I was unemployed for a few days, then my wife put me to work clipping coupons, entering contests and mailing-in rebates!

Thrift: Have a face-lift, and keep the old face.

'Didn't I tell you never to buy discount batteries?!'

'Coming down the pub lunchtime?' - 'No, I'll take a nap, it's cheaper.'

'I had to downgrade my mobile . . .'

How to save money. 'This book is late. That's a three pound fine.'

Thrift: 'You've no idea how much I've saved on new shoe soles...'

That's the severance package, a book on Clipping Coupons to Make Ends Meet?

Save 100% Don't Buy It.

'20 dollars in quarters, under the table, please.'

How much would you take off for cash?

'How many dollars per miles does it get?!'