Saving Strategies Pillows

"As requested, we're going to go over you retirement fund, so, if at all possible, let's hold questions until I have finished and I'm out in the parking lot starting my car."

British savings accounts

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

A little something aside for a rainy day

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

"I'm teaching him to rollover my 401 (k)."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"I want you to know that emotion overrode reason."

"I just..."

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

'I know you're looking for a safe investment but have you ever heard of anyone getting wealthy investing in a bank account?'

Piggy bank #5: carrying (colour).

Investing your savings

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

'This is where I keep my investment portfolio.'