Savings Strategists Pillows

'Our certificate of Deposit Interest rates may seem low, but I assure you, they are better than anything you can get by leaving your savings under the mattress.'

"As requested, we're going to go over you retirement fund, so, if at all possible, let's hold questions until I have finished and I'm out in the parking lot starting my car."

'We'll save a fortune on air-conditioning.'

Old people asking a bear how to hibernate to try and avoid the winter heating bills.

Your Money Back if and when We Feel Like It.

'The only way you can become a millionaire by investing in savings accounts, is to invest millions in savings accounts.'

Phil continues his reign as the King of Attainable Goals.

"Hoping to win the lottery is not a retirement strategy!"

Economic Crisis

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"I just..."

Investing your savings

Roasting the Moneybox

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

'As you go through life, always remember that money isn't everything...Health benefits and stock options are also very important.'

Lemonade - $500 A Glass! 'Yes, my prices high, but how else am I supposed to buy a Boulevart M109R? Certainly not on my allowance.'

"It failed the stress test."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'Looks like we'll have to break into the piggy bank to find our endowment funding.'

"Good news. Your medical prognosis is right in sync with your retirement portfolio."

"The time has come for some tough cost-cutting decisions, and I'm forced to ask myself, do we really need a bass?"

Man breaks piggy bank to find another smaller piggy bank inside.

'My piggy bank charged shaking fees.'

Piggy Bank Coin I.V.

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

Man feeding fish banks with money, not food.

"Can you check inside it for me, Mister?"

"And this financial plan is specifically designed for people who know their retirement -- IF they get one -- won't be half as good as their parents' retirement, and are really steamed about it!"

'It may seem we're sinking deeper into debt, but really we're just experiencing a quarter of negative growth.'

'Are you good with decimals? Our certificate of deposit is currently paying 0.025%.'

'Sub lease' and 'Executive suite' putting money into a smug piggy bank

"Let's just say the value of your account has gone from jumbo to fun size."

"Safe FDIC insured, guaranteed 2.65% APY...check out our new Emotional Support CDs."

'Damn! I was saving that for a rainy day!'