Saturday Night Socialite Gifts

"I had too much to drink, honey, can you pick me up? I'm at the corner of walk and don't walk!"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'A Ball at the Mansion House'

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

'Everyone here likes a big band, right?'

"Loved our evening, Lou. Thanks for being rich."

Health organizations doubt the benefits of skiing holidays.

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

"My son took away my license." "Too many hit and runs." "Too many birthdays?"

The party, after you left

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

'I got mine at a garage sale for only 99 cents.'

'I don't care if the pot roast was a little dry, you had no business condemning poor Gloria to hell!'

'You look like a fun guy!'

'Don't look right now Carla, but there's a REALLY cute guy in the corner giving you the eye.' A man offering his own eye to a woman.

"Dude has got his s**t together!"

Over 60's night - "You have beautiful teeth. What do you soak them in?"

"To tell the truth, I wish this place hadn't caught on with the werewolves!"

"Look at those drunken losers, that'll be us in twenty years."

"The world economy just came to a standstill as every person on the planet simultaneously became preoccupied with their e-mail, text messages, blogs, tweets..."

"Welcome, comadres, to this first meeting of the Very Wise Latina League!"

Senior Conversation Staters

"Come on, smile, it's for our food blog..."

'Can I get you something short, but sweet?'

'How very Fulham!'

'This is Morgan Bottomley. He's too big to fail.'

Golf club to putter: 'Leave the driving to us.'

Social Media

"I took a viagra before going to the senior citizen's dance, last night, and I couldn't get anyone to come to my place. So there I stood, all dressed up and no place to go!"

Suburban families on lawn.