Midnight Socialite Gifts

The party, after you left

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

Come on, honey. The neighborhood potlucks are fun. Fun?! Everyone brings something simple. Totally stress-free. Ha! Last year you made lemon-stuffed slow roasted sea bass with guacamole cilantro chutney. I won't do that again! Guacamole is over. Avocado grapefruit coulis will work.

"I'm leaving Friday and we are all going to the club after work. Will you come?"

'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"You're old enough to learn how to work a party."

'Hello! I don't believe I've bored you yet...'

'I don't care if the pot roast was a little dry, you had no business condemning poor Gloria to hell!'

'Don't look right now Carla, but there's a REALLY cute guy in the corner giving you the eye.' A man offering his own eye to a woman.

'You look like a fun guy!'

'Oh great. The neighbors are worming their way into another BBQ.'

"Things have gotten bad here. There's talk of a war with another gated community."

'And this is Mario Batali. Of course, he's not the Mario Batali.'

'With Jesse Caldwell trasferring to another school, I've been promoted in the playground pecking order.'

'Can Spot come out and play?'

"What do you think our husbands talk about when they're down the pub?"

Oh no! Here comes another lecture on the joys of loft living!

'I've got to go, Mom - my playgroup called an emergency meeting,'

The Kings Head.

How very Hampstead!

"This martini in canonical."

"I shall never forget Roger."

'Are you sure this is the Class of 84 Havard Re-union?'

'Can I get you something short, but sweet?'

Social Media

Does Twig ever hang out with friends? Of course. She's with them now. She's tweeting Emily, texting Ingrid and scanning Jonah's, Pete's and Ryan's Facebook pages. How friendly!

Rudolph - The Red-Nosed Influencer

'How very Fulham!'

"Billy, pulling my pigtail isn't what I consider 'networking.'"

". . . and so the wife says to me. . . Earl she said, you really have to stop talking to strangers."