Satirical Wedding Fan Pillows

"Shouldn't you say something about an exit strategy?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'You may now kick the bride.'

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

"Yes ... no!"

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

"That's right. An increase in your title!"

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

'The coalition of the willing.'

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

"His note says the bachelor party was so great, he's decided to remain a bachelor."

'I told you he had a temper.'

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

"Now that that's over, let me tell you what I'm really like"

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"I remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear."

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

Je-Hereford's Witnesses