Wedding Humor Fan Pillows

Trouble Ahead

"Man, I hate it when she sneaks up on me like that."

Groom's a Workaholic

'Do you take this woman...'-'Sorry just got a call coming through.'

'You may now kick the bride.'

'Don't worry about me showing you up, luv - I'll catch a different bus home later!'

"Click here if you accept his terms and conditions."

"....And has the best man got the tattooist?..."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Try Mediation

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

Barry's fear of commitment crops up again.

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'And do you, Leslie Farnsworth promise to stop wearing camouflage so that your wife will know where you are?'

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'