Wedding Humor Fan Prints

Trouble Ahead

"Man, I hate it when she sneaks up on me like that."

Groom's a Workaholic

'Do you take this woman...'-'Sorry just got a call coming through.'

'You may now kick the bride.'

'Don't worry about me showing you up, luv - I'll catch a different bus home later!'

"Click here if you accept his terms and conditions."

"....And has the best man got the tattooist?..."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Try Mediation

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

"His note says the bachelor party was so great, he's decided to remain a bachelor."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

'And do you, Leslie Farnsworth promise to stop wearing camouflage so that your wife will know where you are?'

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'