Wedding Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Sandra believed in sex before marriages.

"Mother's dying to met you."

'...and do you Sharon, promise not to kiss him goodbye, or make his packed lunch anymore?'

'Hold everything!- I've decided I'm not good enough for her!'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Try Mediation

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

'He does.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'You may now kick the bride.'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

The Aisle

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'