Wedding Humor Lover Pillows

'Heads I do, tails I'm outta here.'

"And do you also promise to be LinkedIn for life, facebook friends forever and to stay off Tinder till you're burnt to a cinder?"

'Camilla, I don't mind you writing your own vows but you can't start 'Now Diana is dead...''

'Ally of the bride, or ally of the groom?'

'I'm entitled to one phone call!'

'...and do you, Kate, take this man as is - without Viagra'

Bride throwing diet book away

'-And do you Henry Wilcox...'

'Oh, I get it - It's like 'true of false'!'

'And do you, Leslie Farnsworth promise to stop wearing camouflage so that your wife will know where you are?'

"And remember - just lie on your back and think of Transylvania!"

'It's two hours until the reception. I can easily get in nine holes.'

"You can skip all that love, honour and obey, baloney, just make him promise to put the toilet seat down!"

"Why do you keep referring to me as your first wife?"

"I thought something was funny on our wedding night, I took off my dress, and he put it on."

When zombies get married...

"....And are you willing to stand your mothers-in-laws' bleating until the divorce court do you apart?"

"I do. Now here's a list of things I'd like you to change."

'...You have the right to remain silent, you have the right...'

A woman marries a man with a long mustache.

'We were married on the 9th on the 18th.'

"It's easy to see who the best man is."

'I now pronounce you man and wife. You may torture the bride.'

'Wait a minute -- aren't you going to read me my rights?'

"I knew they had shot gun weddings in the wild west, but not in Milton Keynes!"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, effective as soon as your check clears.'

"Let's see...love...honor...forsake all others...yadda, yadda, yadda...here we are! Do you..."

'Does this mean you're dumping me?'

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

"Now you know why they call him 'the loophole-lawyer'!"

"You said you wanted a small wedding."

Traditions that never took off: throwing lice on newly weds.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'