Wedding Humor Connoisseur Pillows

"You might want to take this. It's your wife."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Try Mediation

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'He does.'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'You may now kick the bride.'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

The Aisle

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

Barry's fear of commitment crops up again.

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."