Satirical Storytelling Fans Gifts

If People Believed in Heaven and Hell

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

End the Winter Blues

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"Recalculating route..."

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

'Who's the new guy?'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

The loving, yet vengeful God of Cheshire!

"You calm down."

"I'd like to see you do this online."

Greed.

In my day, they didn

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

Telekinetics on strike...

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

'Oh, honey, what a lovely house... We'll place the couch here, the cupboard there and my psychiatrist right here!'

Rudy Park Enterprises regrets to announce the end to a brief experiment aimed at combining the popular and irrepressible talk show phenomenon Sadie Cohen with a background beat of powerful and thrilling house music. In fact, our ratings soared during our experiment. Revenue shot up 17.5 percent. Advertisers loved it. Our decision to cancel the experiment in no way reflects any error of management. Rather, it was a raging success reflective of our forward thinking management. In the end, though,

"Is your dog friendly?"

'Ants of all lands, unite!'

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."