Satirical Storytelling Fans Gifts

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"Recalculating route..."

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

End the Winter Blues

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"You calm down."

'Who's the new guy?'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"I'd like to see you do this online."

Greed.

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

Telekinetics on strike...

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

"So, how's your scary movie?"

"Is your dog friendly?"

'Ants of all lands, unite!'

'So, then.... you don't LIKE life in the fast lane?'

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.