Satirical Statement Maker Gifts

VP in charge of poopooing ecological threats,

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Reverse psychology

"This is a tune about going off the grid and getting back to nature."

Under new blame.

The World's Biggest Book Club

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'I'd go back if I were you.'

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

Coronavirus Windmills

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."