Satirical Statesman Gifts

"Could our co-op secede from the United States and govern itself?"

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Nation-building never works."

"You're fired."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

Flags

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

"DeepSeek" "Stargate"

Reagacentennial

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'You can just forget about the cake.'

"You're on a what?!"

The International and May Day Terrorism

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

Donald Trump Removing Aggressor Label From Vladimir Putin

The economy.

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"We won!"

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

Kritik's Korner

"Everyone stay calm, if we don't upset it maybe it won't start shooting."

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

We need a Europe of U-turns.

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

Trump leaving