Satirical Reviewer Pillows

No One Is Ever Good Enough For Mr. Persnickety

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Reverse psychology

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

The World's Biggest Book Club

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'I'd go back if I were you.'

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'As you can see,we run a completely paperless office.'

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

Creating dummy corporations for dummies.

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'