Satirical Property Shopper Gifts

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

They get into debt so fast these days...

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

An exaggeration of estate agents

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"I've downsized."

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

A sign outside the "Museum of Modern Gift Items" reads "T-shirts of the Masters Sale".

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

'How do I know if it's seaworthy?'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

Coming Soon- Trump Circle

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

This is our proposal for your new housing development. We've chosen to call it The Meadows.

"I've just been gazumped!"

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

'It's got all the original features.'

"If there are more than two people in front of you - we will open another superstore."

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'

"Sometimes I like to browse the men's section just to screw with the patriarchy."

'When will you learn? You're only paying for the label!'

'This is built on an historic location. It was the first garbage dump in the country.'

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

Poor Holiday Gift Choice...The Lucifer 2500, Talking GPS Device.

Snail Estate Agents