Satirical News Watcher Pillows

"And, in a move sure to attract the attention of regulators, the private sector made a bid to acquire the public sector."

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Creating dummy corporations for dummies.

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

Library: Self-Help Books and Blame a 'Rigged' Political System.

Fiscal cliff

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

"No, no, your job's not going out of the country to some foreign bastard. We're just firing you."

D. H. Lawrence

Pop star weather report.

"In financial news, Greek shares continue their slide. Of note, International Feta Cheese continues to crumble."

'Sometimes I think you're on a different planet.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

A well-dressed panhandler holds a sign that reads "Will argue for food".

Best Sellers; Worst Sellers.

Man looks worried, as his fellow castaway reads book: 'Cannibalism for Dummies'.

". . . and if anyone here knows any reason why these two should not be wed, any reason at all, like, say, something that might have happened after a long heart-to-heart and a few too many drinks, for instance, last week maybe, something you felt bad enough to bring to Confession, which you definitely should have, because it's pretty serious- anyway, speak now..."

"I'm going to use my tax cut to trickle down on you all."

"Die alone"

TV and man

Celebrity 10 o'clock news...

"Miss Winthrop, tell my callers that I'm busy with the World Bank."

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

'For the sake of convenience everybody just calls me Joe.'

'Which? Covid-19 Variant' Guide.

'That was the worst performance I've ever seen.'

'Police have counted the dead resulting from today's disaster. However, they suspect that some of these victims may be just playing possum.'

"We know nothing. We'll be back in five minutes with nothing more."

Bad business inc.

"I know it's a foreign book...but I'm reading it with a local accent."