Satire Saver Gifts

Businessman in the bin.

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Support the Ex-Troops

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

Director/Action Man toy.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Torturing the English Language

Pretty Flowers

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

The height of fashion in 1796

Fabrique en Francais (Made in France).

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

reincarnated worm...

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

What's normal?

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"No Frodo, we are still many leagues from Mordor. This is from a wildfire by I-5 west of Bakersfield."

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"I don't like the looks of that!"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"