Humorist Saver Gifts

"The latest studies show that only 7% of professionals are going to meet their pensions expectations."

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

'Did you just hear that? Scientist say we are now an endangered species and mating should be our top priority!'

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

So...who is your provider ?

'I had a wonderful evening, Oswald but this wasn't it,I'm afraid!'

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

"I live for twenty four hours. How can I fund a 401 K?"

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

"Is this Bart from Country Farm? This is Dan the Unrideable. Yep, happened again. "

"Under our health care plan, you get low premiums, a low deductible and a free, yearly probe."

"The Scrimpshaws have finally decided to deposit their savings."

"Serious drinkers recommend hanging on to the maraschino."

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

"Can I interest you in nine life policies?"

'Hello, I'm selling life insurance. Tell me, sir, are you covered?'

"Will you quit listening to your ten all-time favorite albums and help me find some food!"

Watching animals having sex at the zoo - "Well it doesn't look like an endangered species to me!"

"Karl, act like a stuffed porcupine!"

"Boy oh boy, how will you ever be able to pay your energy bills?"

"I was really hoping we wouldn't have to get insurance involved."