Satire Geek Pillows

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"Oh no, we've been inned."

"Tell me honestly, Marjorie - Do you think I'm sleazy?"

Sardines, Inc. downsizing.

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

"Now you can send it."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

'for more obit info, go to...'

Elon Musk in fly me to the moon

There's a lot of crying out there! Looks like we were gnawing on the internet cable...

"Send for a Prftgxrgplwtkn interpreter - case adjourned for a thousand light years."

Zika Epidemic

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

'These drinks have been watered down.'

'I see dumb people wearing 'I see dumb people' shirts.'

Peep-A-Boo Spyware: 'Your Privacy is Our Eminent Domain!'

It's your replacement for 'Nimrod'!

Lies on the Internet

HP Sauce/HP Lovecraft

"The map says to take a right at that planetary dumpster fire."

'Ever since we switched from bio-diesel to human beings, the air smells cleaner, the Earth much greener, and the mileage has been unbelievable!'

'No thanks. This patch stops me craving for superflous functions.'

Busker ignored because of the rise of MP3 players.

Shrinking beggar.

Post future today

"Oh no, is this the 'Zoo on Another Planet' dream again?"

STRIP Hambone: Woman referred to as software