Satan's Shareholder Gifts

Wall Street Devil.

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

'Simply put, we are on our ninth life!'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"The only good news this year, gentlemen, is our massive bonuses."

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'That concludes the annual report, I will now fend off questions from the stockholders.'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

Would anybody else like to ask a question before the stewards get to them?

"Remember, when they go low... we observe shareholder value and act accordingly."

'Remember Nitro, keep the engine running and once we've bagged the bonus cheques you floor the peddle.'

'You realize, of course, that that's the fifth 25 stake we've now sold in our entertainment division.'

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

Handled all of my own investments

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

"We want a management buy out - if you'll lend us the money."

"I, too, hate being a greedy bastard, but we have a responsibility to our shareholders."

"Well now that you all have put in your 2p, I'd like to put in my 52%"

"About the shareholders meeting, ….Have Hayward update me on the smoke and Crampton brief me on the mirrors."