Satanist Gifts

"Good evening madam. Would you like to donate your soul to a newly registered charity?"

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Stick Figure" "Stick Figure II" "Stick Figures" "Stick Figure: The Reawakening"

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

"It's fondue night!"

Deviled HamDeviled Eggs.

'Stocks soared on news a financial lobbyist wants 'greed' dropped as one of the cardinal sins.'

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

Special Place in Hell...

Priest walks by a religious book shelf and and a Satan book pops out to hit him on the head.

Almost got away with it, until he tried to bury the body and dug a little too deep.

"They used the ultimate weapon to drive me away. Taxes."

"In my spare time, I write reviews on Goodreads."

"You're a lying, cheating, son-of-a-bitch. You'll do well down here."

"What do the know!"

Now playing: 'The passion of big box office profits'.

Spawn of Satan on board.

"They're all down there sentenced to an an eternity of fornication, licentiousness and intoxication."

Roman Polanski to the Rescue

'Really? A Bride of Satan? Golly, Lucille, why did you wait until our fourth date to tell me you were already married?'

"...and the action figures will have concussions, they'll be on stretchers and wheelchairs..."

Devil reading ransom note: We have your thermostat.

Sacrifices at 4:00PM and 6:00PM

'There goes my New Year's resolution to be a better person.'

"Are you sure you should be on this list?!"

Man in Hell, 'Well, I gotta tell ya, layers is NOT the answer.'

'Bartering for pre-screening ads isn't a bad idea, but what are we going to do with all these pigs?'

'Nice 666 pack.'

'Gloria, tell my nine-o'clock to go to hell.'

'I try to do more harm than good.'

'It's a donut, I'm telling you. Go on, take a bite.'

"It's just a coincidence that you pedometer was on 666 when you had that massive coronary."

Wall Street Devil.

"I thought it was a little campy."