Sass Master Gifts

"Oh, I understood what you said, Karen. I just really don't care."

'Watch your step, counselor; I can go from zero to bitch in 3.2 seconds.'

'Cheeky sods! I'm sure they're mentally dressing us.'

'Don't you dare raise your eyebrows at me young man!'

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

Loud mouth bass.

What will the little one be? Epidemiologist? Virologist? PPE manufacturer?

"Only caught one, eh."

'I didn't want to get the napkin messy.'

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

Wilfried Zaha

Then I rapidly add cream and butter to the sauce. Ah, get rich quick!

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

"For his next picture, my client wants creative control, script approval, and a percentage of the gross. Is that clear?"

"Is this speech pie-in-the-sky nonsense or aspirational?"

"Whoa, too much information!"

John James Heidegger, masquerade impresario, and Italian opera singers

"OMG! The PDA was 2 much. I was lol. . . Oh, sorry Daddy, I'm just so use to texting!"

"Cool game!"

"And that's why we don't have nice things."

Anatomy & Physiology Exam: The ... bone's connected to ... bone...

'... And now I shall pass you over to tonight's speaker who will give a brief summary of my introduction.'

"I am reminded of a morbidly depressing anecdote. . ."

'When did your breezy disdain turn into sneering condescension?'

Someone being taught how to conduct an orchestra.

"I would take out the curse words, but otherwise I think it's fine."

Too many kooks spoil the Broth.

'I must be getting older. I tried to make an adorable remark to mom yesterday, and it came out all smart-alecky.'

Is clutter necessary?

'We have to put up with a fair bit to find these truffles, but we think they're worth it.'

"I have a B.A. in indifference, an M.A. in obstinacy and I'm currently working on my doctorate in defiance."

"OMG! I'm lost for words!"

Riccardo Muti