Sardonic Socializer Pillows

Are you twittering under my name? Talkin 2 Rudy. I will tear you limb from limb. He's fusically irisistable. Then I'll tear your phone limb from limb. His iPhone 2. Then destroy all your gadgets. Losing mind. Incarcer8 me.

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

Fish eating smaller fish in a tank.

"He's So Your Type."

Targets

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

Man falls off perch

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

'Who ordered twelve gross of aluminium buckets for the bailout?'

'Wine improves my judgement. The urge to choke you lessens after a couple glasses of Chardonnay.'

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

"Chad is doing product placement on the Simpson trial."

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

Special Place in Hell...

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"I never do as I say. That's the beauty of a hypocritical oath."

"I'm sorry Gerald but all those orgasms were 'fake news'."

Good news - we've found your car.

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"When the boss said he could replace me with a trained monkey, I replied, prove it! Me and my big mouth."

'You may experience some discomfort.'

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

"Can you see it, Bob? Green grass, warm breeze, flip flops. . . spring is coming!"

Please Wait to be Heated. (Two new arrivals enter Hell.)

"No, it's not a foreclosure. It's my 'Going out of business sale!' Everything must go!"

'This wine is so good it makes even you interesting.'

Elevator buttons: Up/Down/Don't Care.