Sardonic Strategist Pillows

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

'Remember, Higgins, for you my door is always open.'

'Damocles, did I sit in the wrong chair?'

"Maureen, Phelps is down. Would you like to come In and kick him?"

'Who ordered twelve gross of aluminium buckets for the bailout?'

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

Targets

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Can't you just troll me?"

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

Special Place in Hell...

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

"How about fashionably never?"

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

"I never do as I say. That's the beauty of a hypocritical oath."

"Of course failure is an option; I use it all the time!"

"I'm sorry Gerald but all those orgasms were 'fake news'."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

By now you should have realised that I'm incompetent and taken my job...