Sardonic Viewer Pillows

"Do you want to watch someone cook or someone decorate?"

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

Fish eating smaller fish in a tank.

"He's So Your Type."

Targets

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

Man falls off perch

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

'Wine improves my judgement. The urge to choke you lessens after a couple glasses of Chardonnay.'

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

T.S. Eliot calendar.

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

"Chad is doing product placement on the Simpson trial."

Special Place in Hell...

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

"I'm sorry Gerald but all those orgasms were 'fake news'."

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"I never do as I say. That's the beauty of a hypocritical oath."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"The food is so-so, but they make up for it with free refills on the drinks."

"Nothing much. Reading a book by some dead white female."

'You may experience some discomfort.'

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

"Can you see it, Bob? Green grass, warm breeze, flip flops. . . spring is coming!"

Please Wait to be Heated. (Two new arrivals enter Hell.)

"No, it's not a foreclosure. It's my 'Going out of business sale!' Everything must go!"

Elevator buttons: Up/Down/Don't Care.

'It may seem dull to you now, Harry, but at one time, everything in that book was breaking news.'

'I got bored with the pale horse, so I swapped it for a white van.'