Sarcastic Weather Reporter Pillows

'Oh bloody hell, what's their excuse this time?'

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

A sure sign of rain

Captain steering house through flood.

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"Since you're skiing down to the store, we could use a whole lot more steaks."

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

'YOU are fed up with it . . . How do you think I feel?'

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

Weather channel.

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

"We've had too much rain - they don't have enough - we'll sell our rain and make millions!"

'I blame Iceland - it's PAYBACK!'

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

'You don't need a weather forecast. Just read mother natures' signs carefully and you know that it will start raining soon.'

'All this is nuthin! There was one yeaw up noth...when it snowed fah two yeaws! I had t'dig down ten feet t'haul in my lobstah traps.'

The Reason for Storms

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

"Careful burying all your bones. We get a cold snap and your assets are frozen!"

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

Icebergs talk about CNN appearance and looking thin on TV.

Umbrella in case marked: 'In case of prediction error.'

Snow globe

Weather today.

'Typical, I hadn't finished complaining about the rain...'

Walken On Clouds

Brighter days are ahead. I love it when I hear that in both news and weather segments of the program.

The Art of Bantering!

"Get a move on Hardwicke, we need it for the 6 o'clock news!"