Sarcastic Tech User Gifts

'Caesar salad?'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"If you need me, I’ll be in the living room clawing the bejesus out of that Navajo rug you just picked up at auction."

Didn't we fire you last week?

'This is the worst wine I've ever tasted--I'll take 20 cases.'

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

I think that computer might be giving out a little too much heat... Energy efficient IT systems.

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'That's four million, one hundred and eighty straight misses, Mr Fenson. Your shooting has gone all to hell.'

"Sorry, but road rage is next door. This room is for people who get frustrated with their compute and take it out on their keyboards."

"Can you show me how to turn off Dark mode?"

It's too cold...the boss is a jerk...my feet hurt.

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

STRIP Hambone: Techinical support in layman's terms #2

"You should have called me earlier."

'Me? I have a cold mouse hand.'

"I thought you said his name was Mr Know-it-all?"

People who ghosted me

'I let Ed sleep through these meetings. His snoring keeps the others awake.'

'I'd prefer the banks were re-formed and Destiny's Child split up.'

'Blasted caller ID! I can't get through to anybody!'

'Don't get smart with me!'

Early mobile phone laws

"And we're still not getting any hot air."

Epitaph - 'Is that all you got?'

"Why have you got your boobs on your back?"