Sarcastic Home Decorator Gifts

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

Dog Hunting Trophies.

Do it yourself books.

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

"Oh just ignore him!...he always shows off when we have visitors!"

"Oh that, that's my holiday home."

'It's a coffee-book table.'

'I wasn't to know it's a live shell officer, we've been using it as a door-stop for years!'

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

'I told you I didn't want to talk about it!'

Dog Bookends

Superintendent

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

Home Sweet Home.

"The decorator was here. He said we should have a room in which we don't sit down."

Uses for Deactivated Missiles: Objects d'Art

"Are you willing to relocate?"

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

"No, this is the elephant."

'Nice decorating. I like the clothes and toys everywhere...and the half eaten sandwich really ties it all together!'

"Larry, did you water the plant?"

Furniture faux pas: The coffee table coffin

'Justin, what did I say about storing your anteater there?'

"It's off-white, but a little too off. It may get very tiring. What do you think?"

Bird sees 'No Vacancy' sign on birdhouse

Bowel Sweet Bowel.

Dog and Teddy bear Kennels

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

The Old Woman who lived in a Shoe's Beachside Place.

'Unfortunately, I ran out of the satellite dish system but this has the same warranty.'