Sarcastic Foodie Pillows

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'Still it can't be any worse than last year, I never thought we'd have to suffer a 'traditional lacto-vegan' Christmas dinner.'

'Okay. Now you're just messing with me.'

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'

Watermelon Cult

'I'll have a BLT sandwich -- hold the 'B'.'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'All our appliances come with energy saving device - off/on switch.'

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

"The Mashed Potato Casserole with Creamed Spinach, Baked Egg and Garlic is half price tonight, sir. It's horrible."

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

Home Sweet Mortgage (worth more than the house).

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

Pet shop with recipes stand outside.

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"I'd recommend this."

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

“We need eggs, milk, bread... Oh, and get an extra-large tub of outrage. We’re running low.”

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

'It seems the environment people, the health department and the food and drug administration all have reservations about his place.'

"How was the food sir?"

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

"The name refers to the seating, not the cuisine."

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

"Telling me how nutritious it is doesn't make it taste any better."