Sarcastic Diners Pillows

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

'great win, kids! Let's celebrate... My treat!!'

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'All our appliances come with energy saving device - off/on switch.'

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"The Mashed Potato Casserole with Creamed Spinach, Baked Egg and Garlic is half price tonight, sir. It's horrible."

"I'd recommend this."

"How was the food sir?"

'It seems the environment people, the health department and the food and drug administration all have reservations about his place.'

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

“We need eggs, milk, bread... Oh, and get an extra-large tub of outrage. We’re running low.”

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

"The only way I lost a few ounces with my activity tracker was when I took it off."

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'

"Telling me how nutritious it is doesn't make it taste any better."

I've always wondered why waiters in fancy restaurants wear a napkin over their arm. Because when you see the check, you'll want something to cry into.

'I'll have a BLT sandwich -- hold the 'B'.'

"The name refers to the seating, not the cuisine."

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'